elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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