he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Boobs are out for the taking
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
