Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so let's talk penis.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
