I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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