Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So much rum. So many feels.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
