He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
