I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish I could teleport
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize