Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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