I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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