So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
