Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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