I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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