My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
