I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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