since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
