if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
