I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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