Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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