New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize
