Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
