I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
