i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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