Reggie can tackle my bush.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize