I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
