her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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