She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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