when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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