And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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