sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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