I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
