i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
