i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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