I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
