I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
