my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I AM VODKA MAN
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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