Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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