did you get engaged???
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
