You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
