That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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