I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
