I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
