i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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