dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
