Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
