dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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