this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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