I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
high people should be assigned attendants
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
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