woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
