You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize