i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
