We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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