My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
