i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize