Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I believe in your delicious
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
