yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
