he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
