she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
