my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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