your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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