Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
