Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
