so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
