I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
