Already got asked if we're dating
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
