Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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