Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
