guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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