the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
