Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
